You Know You’re From Jersey When…

I know it’s kinda lame, but I miss Jersey. (I edited some out because there’s so many. You can find more here and elsewhere on the web.)



You know you’re from New Jersey when…

You know that the only people who call it “Joisey” are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas;

You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges”;

You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags;

You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven;

You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 A.M.;

You know what a “jug handle” is;

You don’t think “What exit (do you live near)?” is very funny;

You know that WaWa is a convenience store;

You know what jimmies are;

You know it’s funnel cake, not fried dough;

You know that “Acme” is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation;

You get excited when Shop Rite has its annual Can-Can sale;

You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich;

You know that the state isn’t all farmland or one big oil refinery;

You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey–there’s the shore–and you don’t go “to the shore,” you go “down the shore.” And when you are there, you’re not “at the shore”; you are “down the shore”;

You know how to properly negotiate a circle;

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving;

You know that this is the only “New” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it. Try Mexico, York, or Hampshire – Doesn’t work, does it?;

You know how to translate this conversation: “Jeet yet?” “No, jew?”;

You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it “The City”;

You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different”;

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton – That’s for out-of-staters;

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls, six movie theaters and nine diners;

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers;

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood – It can be no other way;

You weren’t raised in New Jersey–you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey, or South Jersey;

You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state;

And finally…

You’ve never pumped your own gas!

Illegal Immigrant

I have an illegal immigrant living in my apartment. His name is José. The work he does is cleaning the crumbs off my floors. I pay him by leaving him food and by putting a roof over his head. I don’t like him being here because he didn’t ask for permission from my landlord to live here. He didn’t even ask me! He just set up camp in my living quarters. José believes it’s his right to live here because he came through a hole in my wall. He constantly says that he’s allowed to be here because I have such a great, big (studio) apartment and he can easily make his home in the corner.

I don’t care that he’s a productive member of society. I don’t care that my place is 10x better from where he came from. I shudder to think that he could be breeding on my property to make excuses why he shouldn’t be forced to leave. He doesn’t vote in elections and so he is a burden on our democratic processes. If he wants to come here legally and participate as a functional citizen, he is welcome to be here. Heck, he could bring his whole family if they all follow the laws. But because he has broken the law, I want him deported. Vaya con Dios, José!

Anyone have a problem with that?



- extraordinarIAN